


Until You Die (Don't Think I Didn't Notice)

by padmefuckingamidala



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Abuse, Depression, F/F, F/M, Forced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, THE GAYS - Freeform, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 05:19:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5151770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padmefuckingamidala/pseuds/padmefuckingamidala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam, who is burdened with emotionally-abusive parents and a friend that told her that he hates her, sees a ghost that lures her to her own death, but is too stubborn and shadowed to tell the Ghost Boy about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until You Die (Don't Think I Didn't Notice)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is really long. This is about 23 pages of the 42 I have typed up, but we're still going strong. I hope you guys like this!

Sam could see the insane regret in his eyes. Every time he finished 'saving the day' and he transformed back, he gave a smile but it never touched his eyes. He didn't like being a ghost. He despised being half ghost. Danny just wanted to be normal. You know, the normal kid? Playing video games, staying up too late, sneaking out to hang out with his friends. But he wasn’t normal. He fought ghosts, staying up late and sneaking out for that reason alone. He was given way too much responsibility because of this. It was all downhill from there. His social time, sleep time, and homework time was all gone, all out the window. He had to combine them all with his ghost-hunting time, which didn’t work out much because most of it went to the latter.

Sam took this to heart because, after all, it was her fault that he was like this. Every time she saw him hate half of himself, she felt her chest become heavy with guilt. He was something he didn't like because of her stupid actions. She was the one that coaxed him into the machine. She was at fault here. She could still remember what his face looked like when he staggered out of the machine, only to fall. His face was pained and there were tears in his eyes.

“Danny!” she’d screamed. “Are you alright?”

Danny grabbed on to her arms, but he slipped right through them. He had strange powers. Danny made a defeated noise and looked up at his friend, frightened. “I need an ice pack,” he breathed, tears still streaming down his face.

“On it,” Tucker yelled, halfway up the steps.

Sam sat down in the basement with her burnt friend, cradling him in his arms, the two of them crying. Sam would later come to deny her own tears, but everyone knew that deep down inside, they all knew that they were all scared of how close they’d came to losing Danny.

• • •

The worst thing about it, was that Danny couldn’t tell his parents. They were amazing ghost hunters, ultimate enemies of ghosts, they wouldn’t even consider going easy on a ghost, no matter who it was. was forced to hide it, to stay out of the sights of the Fentons, or else he’d be mutilated and thrown back into the ghost zone to perish. 

“What am I going to do?” Danny sobbed. He didn’t know where else to turn, who else to ask. He thought about running away, leaving Amity Park and his parents without a trace, yet what good would that bring?

“We’ll figure something out, Danny,” Sam told him. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want them to kill me.”

Every time Danny transformed into Phantom, he lived in constant fear that his parents could appear and shoot him down, and tear him apart while he was still alive.

• • •

"Okay, I need a break," Danny said. The poor boy held his head and sighed in annoyance. Of course he was annoyed. He was half ghost and tired of fighting others. "How about we go to the Nasty Burger?" He switched back into his human body, all of his bruises and bumps turning normal colors and not glowing.

"I'm in!" Tucker chimed in, obviously seeing past his irritation. The kid was book smart but not people-smart. "Sam?"

Sam looked at her feet. "Nah. I have homework to do.” That was a lie. Sam never did homework outside of school. She used lunch and her study hall for those types of things. She used her after school hours to relax and eat real food, better than the processed chicken they get served in school. (It was mostly meat based, anyways, and she couldn’t eat that since she was vegetarian.)

“Aw, come on, Sam. Just for a quick burger,” the ‘Techno Geek’ whined. “It’s been awhile since we’ve all sat down for an hour and just hung out. We can all afford to skip one night of homework. We work too hard.”

And by we, he meant Danny. The inescapable feeling of guilt flooded back into Sam’s body and she shook her head stubbornly. “No, no. You two can go, but I’m heading home. Too much to do. See ya guys tomorrow.”

Every injury, whether it be scrapes, bruises, fractures or whatever else, Sam was responsible. Her best friends walked away, one beaten to hell and back. Those injuries wouldn't have happened if she wasn't so pushy. As the thought of his battle wounds bounced through her mind like ping pong balls, she waved quickly before walking away. The walk home was short and sweet, and her parents were there to open the door.

"Hello, my little ray of sunshine!" her father cheered, holding his arms out. He looked very cheery, as usual. The white collared polo under the blue sweater vest really brought out the excitement in his being.

"I'm not in the mood," Sam murmured, sneaking past them. "Don't hold up dinner for me. I'll be in my room, probably sleeping." Good job, Sam! Way to show them you’re okay!

"Not so fast, young lady. Your report card came in the mail." Her mom pulled her back and smiled at her daughter. "Honey, all A's! We should celebrate!" She wore her pink dress with the white Peter Pan collar. The only thing she inherited from her mother was a deep love for Peter Pan collars. It was a weakness.

"Maybe tomorrow." Sam smiled shyly and looked at the stairs. "Bad day. I'm gonna go do homework and sleep the day off."

"Samantha," her mother called out as she climbed the stairs. "You can always talk to us, sweetheart!"

"Thanks, mom." She slipped inside her room and let herself plop into her bed. Sam was tired. Mostly tired of how she affected her friends and peers, but tired enough to fall asleep feeling guilty.

• • •

Sam felt really guilty about Danny. Mostly Danny, usually only Danny, and it ate her alive. As kindergarteners, Danny and Tucker would always hang out; Sam joined them in the middle of second grade. She was completely different than she was today. She loved the color purple. She wore it all the time. She grew up on Sailor Moon, so she always thought she was a magic girl, and soon, Danny and Tucker would come to believe she was too.

Danny and Tucker were the little kids, the easy targets, and Sam stood up for them. She spent her days getting pushed around behind the jungle gym, making sure that Danny and Tucker were okay to play astronauts freely. Her mother told her it wasn't lady like, but Sam was persistent. She promised Danny that he would get to spend those twenty minutes of outdoors time being the astronaut he wanted to be.

Sam could remember the day that Dash gave Danny a black eye. She remembered it clearly, because she wore her favorite outfit to school. Her nails were purple, she had a purple bow in her hair, you know, the kid stuff. She wore a purple dress, (which was more or a long shirt) black comfy pants, and a jean jacket. Sam felt like a million dollars. She stepped out on the playground, late, because she dropped glue on her purple, glittery shoes and had to clean them, and scanned the place for Tucker and Danny. She searched until Tucker ran up to her.

"Sam!" He stopped in front of her and pulled on her arm. "Sam, it's Danny! Dash and Kwan are picking on him and they have him the knuckle sandwich!"

Sam and Tucker ran. They found Dash and Kwan laughing and standing before Danny, who was now in tears, on the ground. Sam shoved Dash aside and he fell so hard he did a split and tore his pants. She spun around to punch Kwan, but he was was faster, and Sam didn't want to mess up her outfit.

Sam simply tripped him as he staggered away, leaving the two kids with older, sporty brothers, on their behinds. She pulled Danny to his feet. "You okay?"

Danny wiped his eyes and that was when Sam saw the purple ring around his blue eyes. Sam delicately stepped out of her shoes, shimmied out of her jean jacket, and handed them to Tucker. "Hold this," she said, then picked up the biggest rocks she could find.

Sam ended up in the principal's office that day.

Danny was used to getting pushed around, but Sam was always there to help him. She started to drift, though, when Danny became interested in other girls. She was also going through some things, wondering if she meant anything and feeling completely hopeless at times. She began to wear darker colors, hoping it would balance out and make her mood brighter, but she still felt upset. Danny didn't notice her shifting moods nor the wardrobe change, busy gawking at Paulina.

It was Sam's turn to need someone. The tears were constant. She didn't know what was happening, and she didn't want to tell her parents, in fear that she would upset them or cause problems. She tried to change. She did, Sam really tried. The dark clothes stayed and Sam decided she would build herself up and make herself a new and happy person.

Where was the happiness? Danny and Tucker knocked at her door and asked if she wanted to join them at the Nasty Burger, and of course, she had to wipe her tears and go, even though she knew they would just stare at Paulina. Sam opened the door and as soon as she stepped out, Tucker and Danny threw their arms around her.

"We're sorry," Tucker said. "We didn't mean to isolate you."

Danny, the taller one in the group, rested his cheek on top of Sam's head. "Today's all about you. Let's go to that bookstore."

Sam cried, but to this very day, she claimed that she never did.

• • •

Tucker knew about Sam's huge crush on Danny. He found out accidentally, which was shocking because the boy was not people-smart, as mentioned beforehand. He walked into her room to surprise her, and she was busy doing homework. Sam never noticed, that is, until he took her homework journal. After pages of "(x^3+9)" and all those fun things, were doodles. Sam was really good at art, so there were really good sketches of favorite music artists, cartoons, and then in the corner, "Danny +Sam... Yeah, I wish".

Sam couldn't play it off, and Tucker danced around for ten minutes, yelling, "Danny and Sammy, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G..."

Tucker teased her about it, but he promised onto tell Danny. He wasn't that bad of a guy, surely. That was strictly between him and Sam, and he jokingly bought her white out so she could keep her own secrets better.

• • •

She got ready for school, changing her outfit up this time. She dressed herself in her usual purple leggings and black boots, but with the temperature in the sixties, she traded the crop top in for an oversized sweater that, though it made her feel less goth, made her feel a bit comfortable. It was black with skulls all over it, so it was goth enough, she assumed. It was a gift from Tucker when he realized Sam had no "comfort clothes", as he called it. She did her makeup and hair the same and met her parents downstairs for breakfast.

"Good morning, my little hummingbird," her mother cheered. "I made you some pancakes!" She set the plate in front of her daughter and kissed her forehead. The kiss went unacknowledged, and she simply grabbed a glass of the fresh fruit smoothie that her father had prepared.

For being extremely rich, you’d think that they would hire cooks. They had maids and cleaning ladies. Her parents cooked themselves but they didn’t clean up the plates and such. It was weird. Sam was broken from her train of thoughts when her mother placed the back of her hand against her forehead.

"Uh, mom?"

"Is everything okay?"

Sam nodded, but her mother didn’t pull away. “You didn’t yell or flinch when I kissed you…”

"And she's not upset about the pancakes," her father said. "Our little butterfly is finally accepting our happy-face pancakes!"

Sam looked down at her plate. Two pancakes stacked, the top one with a happy face. Two banana slices at the eyes, a strawberry for the nose, and a trail of blueberries as the mouth. There was whipped cream as the eyebrows. She was too hungry to complain. "Very happy," she said. They never picked up on the sarcasm.

Rich parents must have been more naïve. It was to the point that Sam could have been on fire in front of them and her mom would assume it was a new goth look or something. She waved goodbye, satisfied after her happy pancakes and fruit smoothie, telling them she'd see them after school. They waved her off after her mother gave her another disgusted look because of the outfit she wore.

The way to school was chilly, so she was thankful for the "comfort clothes". Danny and Tucker didn't wait for her. She was on her own, walking arms crossed, her feet moving fast.

The halls were flooded with students talking loudly, as usual, Danny wasn't at his locker. Tucker wasn't there, either. With the whole ghost hunting thing and also the lack of interest, coming into school late had become a norm. When they didn't show up five minutes into first period, she was officially alone for the day, which made everything feel worse. After ninth period, students were released and she was eager to walk home and be alone.

Her parents did not greet her at the door. She walked in to hear them arguing in the living area. It was unusual, because they always pushed the idea that greeting your child at the door made them happier after school.

"Honey," her mom started, "think of what this means! She could finally be dropping out of that goth phase. We could have a normal daughter." Sam rolled her eyes as her mom read too far into the acceptance of her stupid pancakes. The maids began to dust and sweep, but Sam gave them signals to not blow her cover. She wanted to hear what her mother had to say.

"I'm afraid she might just be depressed, sweetie. Have you seen her? Tired? Sweatshirts? She's not changing her outlook, she's depressed. We must start therapy right away."

Therapy? Jeez, that was boring. Plus, Sam wasn't depressed. She didn't even have a history of it in the Mason family, or at least she didn't think she did. But her mother's side was a different story. 

"We should break out the pink and the pearls first," her mother said completely unfazed by what her husband just told her, "just to make sure she's dropping out of goth. Oh, think of it, Jeremy. We'll finally have the daughter we'd always wanted."

Sam turned on her heel and slammed the door behind her. She was going to sulk at the nasty burger.

• • •

Sam was pretty upset, but used to it. This happened all the time, now that Sam was trying to "rebuild" herself. Danny and Tucker were witnesses to the talking-down at the goth girl, but Sam didn't know that at the time. Sure, she was pretty hostile when it came to her parents or talking about how dinner was last night, but that wasn't really enough evidence.

It happened on a Friday night, when the trio decided that they'd come over for movie night. Sam offered, so they accepted. Horror movies and popcorn seemed like a good way to end a busy school week. Danny and Tucker knocked on her front door, but no one answered.

"Dude, she bailed on us," Tucker whined.

"There's yelling from inside," Danny told him. "I'm trying to hear it."

"Go ghost and--"

"Not around Sam's parents. One slip up and I'll be sued for everything imaginable."

They two boys leaned against the door, trying to listen to what was said. Sam's voice came crystal clear. "Well, I'm not your princess, so you can give up on that one!"

"Samantha, I am your mother and you will--"

"I will what?" Sam barked. "I'll let you turn me into some stupid glitter lady? Pink dresses are your thing, now stop! I don't want to be like you!"

“You know, maybe that Danny boy would ask you out of you weren't so… so…”

“Say it,” she snapped.

Her mom was pissed. “He would probably ask you out if you weren't so damn ugly, Samantha!”

Ouch.

Sam said nothing. Danny and Tucker glanced at each other, with the ghost boy flushing pink. Tucker straightened out and scratched the back of his neck. “And all this time, I thought you didn’t ask her out because you were just friends,” he joked half-heartedly.

Danny looked down. “No, I just haven’t found the right time--- wait!” He looked up and shook his head. “I didn’t mean it!”

“You like her!”

“As friends!” Danny cried, trying so hard to tuck that secret back in his pocket and lock it away. “No, Tucker! Look, let’s-- let’s just get Sam and go--”

“Samantha, wait!”

The front door opened and Sam stood there with tears in her eyes. She was shocked to see her friends standing there, looking panicked and flushed. “Did… you….?”

Danny couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “Me and Tucker think you’re really pretty!”

Sam wiped her eyes, but that didn’t matter because more tears formed. “I’m just trying so hard to like myself, and it’s frustrating when she keeps shitting on me for it,” she squeaked, before Tucker and Danny pulled her in. Good thing it was Friday, because they were going to stay out as late as they could, and eat so much ice cream.

• • •

All she ordered were fries. She sat at her usual table and ate her stupid fries and her stupid milkshake, which was actually not stupid, rather she was just mad. She did her homework and ordered more and more milkshakes. The goth was drowned in math homework and essay prompts that were due next week. Novels and biology books were sitting within reach, as she scribbled down answers based on both. She became annoyed with all of this. Science? Math? Essays? She didn’t want that. Well, she lied. She liked sciences. Physics, biology (she just hated the teacher), chemistry and best of all, ecology. She thought about being like Rachel Carson, all about the environment and arguing with the government all the time, but she didn’t have the guts, and her parents probably wouldn’t let her go for that.

"Hey, Sam," Tucker said, sitting across from her. She was snapped out of her little daydream of being Rachel Carson reincarnated, watching as the geek slid in, followed by the ghost. Danny slid in and echoed Tucker. The geek, the ghost, and the goth were all here and that was all there was to the squad. They ordered their food and all settled down.

"I didn't see you guys in school today," Sam commented. "Skipping?"

"Just to fight ghosts," Danny spat. "Thanks for your help there, Sam."

Oh, it was suddenly a pissing contest with the ghost boy. She leaned forward. "I don't read minds," she said flatly. "You can't just expect me to know what you're up to at all times."

Danny was pissed, and he literally had just sat down, which equally pissed off Sam. He glared at Sam, which was when she noticed he had a black eye. The halfa looked down at her textbooks and pencils. "You got to sit here and be a normal kid while Tucker and I took care of the ghosts. Go figure. You have it made!"

"Me?" she snorted. "Right. I have it made. You can fly and be invisible when all I can do is walk and be socially invisible. I don't need your shit, pal." She didn’t want to be here anymore. She started cleaning her things up and stuffing the back in her book bag.

"You can really be a bitch sometimes." He didn't regret saying that. He didn't regret saying anything at all. "You're also really good at screwing up others' lives, too."

She crossed her arms. "What do you mean by that, Fenton?"

He jabbed a finger in her direction. "You've done nothing but screw me up, Manson. You made me step into that stupid ghost portal and look at what you did! I'm probably going to be grounded if I keep skipping class to go and fight ghosts, which wouldn't happen if you didn't ruin my life and force me to do--"

"Don't blame your shitty actions on me!" Sam snapped. "I thought it would be cool! I thought nothing would happen, you're the one that fried yourself in there."

Danny's blood was bubbling with rage. The screaming, the blame, the constant regret they would have from all of this was overwhelming. Before Sam could open her mouth to finish speaking, he picked up her chocolate milkshake and threw it all over Sam without a second thought. "I fucking hate you, Sam!" he screamed, loud enough to get the attention of everyone else in the Nasty Burger.

Everyone saw Sam standing there. Her face, sweater and hair soaked in chocolate milkshake. She was outraged, but mostly embarrassed. No, there was a stronger feeling than that. She was heartbroken. Tucker knew about her crush on Danny, and he knew exactly what she was feeling. She just stood there with tears swelling in her eyes and her lip quivering.

Tucker cleared his throat. "Sam..." he whispered.

"You hate me," Sam choked out, trying her hardest to smile. "Fine. I don't care. Hopefully by the time I clean this mess up, I won't have a crush on you anymore.” She was sobbing by the time Danny realized how low he hit. “Loving you was a waste of time,” she seethed, tears running down her face.

Danny reached out. "Sam--"

"Don't you think you screwed up enough, Fen-trash," Dash interrupted from a few tables over. "Even I'm not that much of an asshole." That earned a small chorus of yeahs.

It was Paulina stood up and grabbed her keys. "Keep my place, I’ll be back in a few.. I'm going to drive her home before Fenton has anything else to say." The entire restaurant was quiet and still as Paulina marched up to Sam, put an arm around her, and escorted the sobbing goth out of there. It was a sight to see, as those were two completely different girls, walking out of the Nasty Burger arm in arm. Danny watched remorsefully and Tucker knew that he was going to have to fess up and spill some details to the boy that had single handedly broken down that strongest girl with the hardest shell that they knew.

• • •

As Paulina parked in front of Sam's house, she looked over at the silent goth and sighed. "I... I know we don't get along, but I'm really sorry or what happened back there."

"It's not your fault," Sam murmured. "I just..." She wiped her eyes and sniffled. "I just feel so stupid. I cried in front of everyone because my stupid crush just threw a stupid milkshake in my stupid face."

"All of those things are stupid, but not your face," the Latina promised. "If you ever need to talk or just need a girls day, Star and I are here."

"Thanks, but there's a reason I avoid you two," Sam sighed. "You two are pretty and I'm, well, goth. I'm sure you two have better things to do than listen to me whine about my lame self." She unbuckled her seatbelt but Paulina held her back.

"Sam, you're pretty, too. Just because I wear pink and you wear black doesn't mean you're ugly."

"I'm--"

Paulina handed her a card. "Offer still stands."

She sighed, taking the card and looking over at the girl. "You're so nice... It's no wonder all the boys drool over you."

"That's really disappointing for them," Paulina chuckled.

"What do you mean?"

Paulina smiled as she handed Sam a tissue. "I'm gay as hell, Sam. Me and Star have been dating since Freshman year." When Sam said nothing, still a little confused, the Latina spoke up again. "That's why we're constantly hanging out. Not really as gal pals. We're talking matching bras serious."

Sam laughed, wiping her eyes and all the running makeup on her face. "Oh, man. I can't believe you actually had to spell that out for me. You guys are public, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but everyone thinks we're best friends." Paulina rolled her eyes. "Don't be a stranger, Sam. Heck, your management skills are probably great. Maybe you could help us out."

"Maybe," she mumbled, still embarrassed about earlier. "Thanks for the ride." With the card in her hand, Sam stepped out of the car and waved from the sidewalk as the popular girl drove away. The card was a card for "Star and Paulina's Flower Crowns" which seemed a bit impressive because they actually ran their own business. It finally clicked on why Paulina brought up 'management skills'.

Sam opened the door only to be greeted by her two parents. They looked as if they were hiding something. (Sam knew what it was, though it wasn't very hidden.) Sam threw out her arms and smiled real big, though it looked bad since she was crying. "I hope this chocolate milk shake makes me look pretty! All the other girls that drink them, so I though--"

Mrs. Manson wrapped her arms around her daughter. "I love you, Samantha."

No, she didn't. She loved her about as much as Danny did. Though she thought it was fake, she was still overwhelmed enough to hug her back and cry harder.

This was not Sam's day.

• • •

Her parents thought that the purple lipstick looked a bit ridiculous, so she traded it in for black lipstick. They thought that the purple eyeshadow was too much, so she traded it in for black eyeliner, winged at the end, or occasionally a smokey eye type of deal. They told her that the black clothing turned boys off, but she didn't dress to please boys, so she went out and bought more black clothes. There was no color in her closet. Samantha Manson wanted to dress in black, and that was how it was going to be. Boys were not on her list of people to please. Number one on the list was herself, and she decided that if boys liked color, the purple had got to go.

Her parents were glad she wasn’t wearing the same things. They wanted her to dress differently, but when they saw her come out with black lips, black jeans, her black boots, and a black crop top, they were a bit… concerned.

“This is just a statement,” her father assured her mother. “It’s a cry for help, she has depression.”

Her father talked a lot about depression. He was hell bent that his only daughter was effected by that, but Sam was sure that she wasn’t. She was happy. She had two best… one best friend that would do anything for her, and she had a house, food, clothes and other things for survival. Life was easy. She felt blessed. And even though she wasn’t popular, she wasn’t feeling too stressed over school.

• • •

Without anyone to sit by at lunch, Sam had found other ways to occupy her time. She would watch movies on her iPad or read books. No one came up and talked to her, bothered her, threw things at her, or made fun of her. Sam was given space. In some ways, she really appreciated it, but in others, she wished that she had been a better person and didn’t ruin Danny’s life.

The halls were silent when she walked past. If you were within three feet of Sam, you didn’t speak. That was the rule. It was like a wave of silence. Even in class, the teachers had trouble calling on her because of the rumors they had heard. All that other students had gone back and rearranged the seats with the teachers so that Danny wasn’t near her. He would try to catch her after class, but either Dash and Kwan would shove him out and wail on him or Paulina would send over a girl to ask where Sam got her shirt or whatever. Danny would be forced away from Sam and also, she wouldn’t be alone.

At the end of the day, though, nothing could save Sam. Outside, waiting by the stairs, Danny stood there with his hands in his pockets, He waited for Sam to walk down those stairs and right into his sight so they could talk. She couldn’t risk that. She took a bold move and as she stood there, feeling anxious, she decided that it was either one or the other.

She pulled out her phone and quickly dialed her father’s number, and hid inside the school doors until she saw his Mansory Vivere pull up along the curb. He didn’t even leave the car, but it was a bit too late because Danny was expecting her to be quick. Even as she bolted towards the car as fast as she possibly could, Danny managed to grab her arm. She staggered a bit, but all that he grabbed was a bracelet, and she didn’t stop for it.

“Sam!” Danny screamed, holding the broken bracelet in his hands. “Sam, wait!”

The goth opened the door to the Mansory Vivere and slammed it, buckling up as fast as she could. “Hey,” she breathed. “Um, could you drive?”

Mr. Manson pulled out, leaving a scrawny and bruised Danny to wait on the sidewalk with the broken jewelry in his hand, staring right at the expensive car. She watched him until Jazz pulled him into her own car, and until the scene disappeared as they drove down hill.

• • •

“She is a pretty girl underneath all that goth,” her mother said, setting the table. Sam sat on the stairs and listened to the conversation, going unseen. Her mother, adding the food to the plates, carried on about the identity of her daughter. The maids, the ones that lived with the Mansons in the home, were handed plates. They were allowed to eat at the table with them, but they usually went into the other room and sat there to eat their meals, not wanting to disturb their family time. Today, they especially didn’t want to be there; eyes flickered to one another as they waited respectfully for plates and listened to the two parents argue about their daughters.

The maids, which Sam wasn’t happy with, were not given originality. They were given a dress code and told to look very beautiful, even the men. That went for all of the staff around the house. The maids wore powder blue dresses with white aprons. The gardeners wore denim overalls and powder blue flannels underneath. Everything was powder blue. Sam just wished they could have worn nice jeans and a plain t-shirt. They weren’t here to look adorable, they were here to help.

“Samantha was born to be beautiful, and I assumed that once she hit puberty, she’d be into boys and dresses and cute ballet flats or something. Or, heavens, Jeremy, I don’t care if she’s into boys or not. I just want her to start acting like a normal girl.”

“This isn’t fair to Sammy, honey,” he spoke up from over the newspaper. “She’s very smart and very talented. She could be very successful. I don’t think it’s wise to pressure her.”

She sighed and the plates clattered to the table. “You don’t understand. I just want to tear everything out of her closet and make her dress nice. All this black is simply too much. First she dyed her hair, then she started wearing all that black, now she’s into dark makeup and that is the line. She needs pearls, Jeremy. Normal girls are wearing floral and she’s obsessed with bat and ghost earrings and there’s skulls on everything.”

“This is who she wants to be, Pam, dear. Don’t stress too much over this.”

“I just want a normal girl.”

“Pamela--”

“No!” She threw the plate on the table, making the grandmother jump a bit. She peeked up over her knitting to see Pamela in a frenzy. “You don’t understand! I was told that parenthood would be this great thing! I was told that it would be me and a cute little girl until college time. Not some gothic freak! She’s dark and gloomy and I hate her, Jeremy, I honest to god hate her sometimes.”

For the first time in quite a while, Sam felt like she was all alone. She was usually alone when she wasn’t with her friends, but with Danny’s episode from Nasty Burger and Tucker more of his friend than hers, she was by herself for much longer than usual. She could feel her heart grow heavy as her parents fought, and she watched as her grandmother steered her way towards the elevator. But then she saw her little Sammy sitting on the stairs, crying. 

“Bubeleh?” Ida murmured, reaching out. “Come here, darling.”

Sam shook her head and, as her mother realized she was sitting there, she made her way to the door and out of the house, watching as her ‘ugly’ daughter grabbed a jacket and made her way out to the house. She didn’t look back. Sam wasn’t going to look back, even if it killed her. 

• • •

“You’re pretty useless.”

Sam whipped around, meeting a shadowy figure. Just a shadow. Sam crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “You too, huh? Well look, I don’t have time for you, so I’ll just get back to minding my own business. You should try doing the same.” She turned back and continued walking down the street. She had nowhere to go. Usually, when it got this bad, she would go hang out with Danny or Tucker. She probably could have gone seen Jazz; she was brilliant and all she wanted to do was help people.

The voice spoke again. “I saw what happened. The Nasty Burger… you really screwed him up, didn’t you? That doesn’t seem like a swell thing to do.”

“Mind your own business, pal.”

“It’s a shame, though. You ruined his life and he still loved you.”

Sam snapped around, her hands in fists this time. “Yeah, I don’t know if you actually heard about what went down at Nasty Burger, but he doesn’t like me. He hates me, okay? So go home and mind your own--”

He stepped into the light, and Sam saw no face. Just a literal shadowy figure with common doctors’ apparel, a white jacket, and a stethoscope. “Samantha, please, that is no way to talk to me. I’ll have you know--”

“Save it, ghost, because I don’t care.” She thought about calling Danny. She could have told him there was a ghost, but then he would try apologizing… Sam kept her phone in her pocket. That was that. “Get out of here. Find someone else to bother, okay?”

She turned, but he was there in front of her. Before she could move, he grabbed her face in his hands, and she had to watch his face. All her memories flew right before her eyes, literally, on his face, like some sort of television. She saw Danny’s angry face and the milkshake hit her a million times; she saw her mother screaming and calling her ugly; she saw everyone laugh and point at the goth kid at her locker; she saw her own hands shaking when Danny told her that he and Paulina kissed.

“Get off!” Sam screamed.

The doctor shadow said nothing, nor did he listen. When he was done, absorbing all of her bad memories, he dropped her and vanished, leaving the goth to pick herself up and get herself home as fast as she could.

• • •  
She returned through the window that night, climbing up with a ladder that was left out there, courtesy of one of the gardeners. Ida had one of them place it there, in hopes that her little bubeleh would come home soon. She stepped through the window and, even through the darkness, managed to change into her pajamas and snuggle into bed. She was a girl that was hated by those she loved, and she was accepting that.

After a few minutes of tossing and turning, she realized that there was something under her head. Her fingers pulled the chain of her bedside lamp and pulled an envelope out from under her head. In sloppy handwriting it read, “Sam”, so she decided that it was more than likely for her. She opened it slowly, annoyed. This girl just wanted to sleep, that was it.

Dear Sam,

I tried sending you texts but you won’t answer them. I’m really sorry about what I said, and I would like to make it up to you. Could I pick you up Saturday night for a movie? I’ll pay. Please.

-Danny

She threw the paper in the trash bin and turned the lamp off. She wasn’t a prize, she was a person, and just because he said he was sorry doesn’t mean that he didn’t mean what he said at the Nasty Burger.

The room suddenly turned cold. With handfuls of blankets, she curled up in a ball just in time to hear a voice echo off of her walls. “You have such a nerve," a voice spoke.

She threw the blanket over her head and closed her eyes. Was it a ghost? Was it a prank? Was it her father outside pissed off? She didn’t know, and she didn’t want to find out at this hour. She’d been through enough today. She was able to sleep for an hour… then her alarm went off. 

• • •

That was the last night that Sam slept. After that, she grew worried. Her mind raced, thinking Danny was going to fly through her window again, or the voice would come back, or her mother was going to get rid of all her clothes (she was a heavy sleeper and would never notice until her super loud alarm woke her up in the morning), and that was the last thing she wanted. Danny was dead to her. He didn’t give a shit, and frankly, Sam was okay with being nothing but a guilt trip to him. She deserved it, but didn’t deserve a shitty friendship.

The first night, as the anxiety swirled around her and the thoughts doomed her, she played video games until Danny signed on. As soon as he took to the message board, tagging her in a conversation, she left, closing her laptop and thinking of something else to play.

“Sammy,” the voice cooed

The girl covered her ears and looked all around for whatever it was that was talking to her. “Get away from me.” Sam headed for the door but the handle disappeared and a shadowy figure appeared behind her. It was the same figure from before, but this time, it had the power to manipulate how it looked. Danny appeared. Her mother appeared. Countless people appeared until finally, the no-face shadow came back. 

“Your mother hates you… Danny hates you… I hate you…” She was grabbed by the arm and pulled closer. “You’re nothing but a mistake. Your dad feels the same way, you do know this, right?”

Sam tried to pull away, but her brain absorbed all of this torment. As she echoed, “I am nothing but a mistake,” the figure vanished and Sam was left alone with her thoughts.

Lightheaded, she laid back against the sheets and realized what the figure said. Mistake. She was so sure suddenly, confident in her realization that she was about as meaningful as a white crayon. She ignored all texts Danny sent her and any contact with anyone else. She was useless. She didn't deserve to be social, especially with people that had importance.

Ida tried to talk to her, but knowing the grandmother, she would have broughten Pamela up to apologize. Sam decided to get a start on that essay, and the book report, and homework in general. It wasn't like she was good enough to do anything else. She was done up to two weeks in advance before her alarm went off, screaming at her to get ready.

Black dress with the white Peter Pan collar, black knee-highs, and her black boots. She put on her black lipstick, black eyeliner, black mascara, black bracelets, and that was when she noticed which bracelet that Danny had broken. It was the silver with moonstones in them. She didn’t care for moonstones, but it was given to Sam from her grandmother, who received that bracelet from her grandmother. Swaying from the lack of sleep, she grabbed her bookbag and headed straight to school, deciding to skip breakfast altogether.

• • •

“She won’t talk to me,” Danny whined, spinning the combination to his locker. “I sent her letters and tried talking to her in person, but nothing is working out.”

Tucker looked up over heaven-knows-what-type-of-electronic. “Dude, you dumped a chocolate milkshake on her, and then you broke her grandma’s bracelet.”

“I’m fixing it,” Danny said quickly. “I dropped it off at the best jeweler in town. They’re taking payments, luckily, but that also means that I’ll basically selling everything I can out of my closet that I don’t wear anymore, and I was hired on that science lab that Jazz got an internship at. They needed custodians, so she got me in. We carpool.”

“Danny, did you ever consider that maybe she just needs… I dunno, space?” Tucker stuffed the electronic in his pocket. “Sam’s not just going to bounce back. She’s dead tired. She probably saw a ghost and you know what that means? She’s too pissed to ask to you deal with it.”

Sam slammed her locker shut and quickly made her way down the hall before Danny could spot her out and pull her back. Tucker as right on one thing: she was tired, and maybe it was a ghost. She didn’t know anymore, not with the brain tricks it was playing. She was too confused. Whatever it was, it was right on telling Sam how useless she was, and those words stuck with her all throughout the day. 

• • •

As soon as she got home, it was dinner, then another two weeks of homework followed by the voice returning to scream at her and tell her she was useless and it hated her, before shutting off her alarm and getting a shower. She bathed quickly, didn’t bother drying her hair before tucking the sides behind her ears, Black highwaisted jeans, black tee crop top, boots, and then she put in her cute bat earrings. She grabbed a banana for breakfast and ignored her mother.

School was the same, of course, but this time people commented on her makeup-less face. She was too tired to remember, and now she looked somewhat normal. Gross.

Sam didn’t talk.

• • •

Sam didn’t talk the next day, either. Different outfit, different day, but same routine. Homework, no sleep, go to school, come home, eat something, and drink plenty of water because this lack of sleep and what she assumed were hallucinations were kicking her ass. But only she knew that she wasn’t sleeping. Only she knew that she was too terrified to let herself dream, because a lot of her dreams were happy endings with Danny and happy days of acceptance with her mother. Those were too distant and too fake, and Sam didn’t want anything to do with that.

She was afraid she would cry, and too afraid the figure would come back and scream at her.

• • •

Danny’s face appeared to her that night. He wouldn’t stop screaming. He shook her violently as he screamed, “Why did you screw up my life? I hate you! I hate you, Sam!”

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, her hands trying to grab his arms. He shook her until she thought she was going to throw up. As she was dry-heaving, leaning over the side of the bed, Danny screamed and stood at the foot of the bed. There was no sympathy for Sam. Danny’s black, beady eyes stared her down as she cried.

Sam reached out to him, but he moved. “I’m sorry, Danny,” she sobbed. “Please, I really am. I would take it back if I could.”

“Bitch,” he muttered. He disappeared, leaving her to cry alone.

• • •

New text message from: Danny

Hey Sam! I miss you. I’m really sorry about everything. Could I still meet you tonight? If you don’t want to see a movie we can just stay at my place or yours and talk.

Text message to: Danny

I’m sorry. I screwed up, Danny, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

Send.

• • •

Five days. No sleep. She bathed two times a night, once at nine and again at three in the morning. She heard things. She felt things. She saw things. Sam didn’t like them. Useless. 

“Sammy, you’re useless,” the voice would say. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, Sammy!”

“I love you,” Sam whispered, feeling as if ice was being poured over her. She wiped herself off, but nothing was left behind on her hand. It was all in her head. She was frozen, seeing so many faces stare back at her. Her mother glared at her. Danny was pissed. Her father’s face shone back, disappointed. No!

“Not you, too, dad!” she yelled out desperately. “Please, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you guys!”

“We hate you,” they all chorused.

“I love you,” she said again, but nothing was said back this time. Sam felt alone again.

• • •

Sam was so tired that she didn't know it was a ghost. All she saw were faces; Danny, her mom, her dad, Tucker, and even Jazz. They screamed at her. They called her names, they were so close to strangling her, and yet, she assumed it was all in her head. The ghost was a shadowy figure, not like Johnny Thirteen's shadow minion, but like the boogeyman. That’s what it was. When Sam was younger, or even a few week ago, she used to think the boogeyman was cool, like the one from Nightmare Before Christmas, but now, Sam was to the point that she hated every inch of her body.

She wanted to destroy it.

• • •

Saturday came with a cruise, but not for the young goth. Her parents went away and Ida stayed back to watch Sam, because she was pretty sure there was something going on. Pamela and Jeremy both grabbed their bags and, without a word to their daughter, headed for the limousine that was to take them to the ship. “Summer, sunshine, and just the two of us,” Pamela said before exiting, leaving Ida angry.

Something was wrong with Sam. There were bags under her eyes from the no sleep, and she looked like she was going to fall asleep right into her bagel. Poor thing, left all alone with her thoughts and the hallucinations that tortured the absolute hell out of her.

“You made me this way,” the voice would scream.

Sam flinched. “I know.” Her nails dug into her skin, close to drawing blood, they were usually well trimmed and filed down to the pink, but Sam was too tired to keep up or to notice.

“You don’t deserve to be alive,” it spoke in her ear. “You killed half of me. I want to kill all of you.”

“I know.”

Sam felt a blade against her throat. “You killed me! Half of me died in that portal!”

The girl said nothing. She downed a glass of water and refilled it as the blade remained in place. Another glass down, and another one filled. She simply drank water until the blade was pulled back. 

“I can’t believe I trusted you.”

“Wait!”

The figure transformed again, and this time, it was her mother. “You disgust me!” she yelled with the same deep voice as the figure. “You goth piece of shit.” Before Sam could dodge, the blade was swiped against her cheek.

“Wait, stop! I’m sorry, I love you!”

“Bubeleh?” Ida called out, her scooter chair making some odd noise as it drove her into the kitchen. It stopped and Ida saw Sam standing at the sink, a knife in her hand. “Honey, dear, who were you talking to?”

Sam looked down at the knife. No blood came from her cheek, but when she touched the tender skin, she could feel ice. Right now, she wasn’t to be trusted. She killed hopes and dreams and people and--

“Bubeleh!”

Sam looked up at Ida, who was ready to call for help. The goth girl smiled at her grandma, but deep down, it felt very weird. She didn’t like that smile. “I’m okay. I’m fine.”

• • •

The rest of the day was weird. Sam showered every third hour, and she was getting extreme hot and cold flashes. When she got out of the first shower, she put on a camisole and some black booty shorts. (Danny and Tucker got them for her as a joke. They said “GOTH BABE” on the butt, but she still wore them as pajamas; she wouldn't be caught dead in them). After the next shower, she wore fleece pants and a sweatshirt that did not match and made her sweat to death, even though she felt cold. Sam switched back to “GOTH BABE” and pulled a long-sleeved shirt over her head, and adorned herself in one of her mother’s silky orange scarves, wearing it as an impromptu babushka. She later pulled up some fuzzy knee-high socks and smiled proudly at the warmth and coolness of her outfit. She showered again at three and put the same clothes on and sat on her bed watching all of the figures in her room.

After her three AM shower, she dressed herself in the clothes that were laid out on the bed as they were the clothes she was going to wear when Danny came around, but he was still no where to be see, and sat with her back against the wall. She didn’t know why she set out nice clothes for herself if she was just going to be getting another shower in three hours. She did feel normal, though, or at least somewhat. She wore her high-waisted shorts, the black thigh-high socks, and that black ribbed crop top that her mother hated. She felt a little like herself again, especially without the babushka. She applied her make up and smiled at herself in the little hand mirror. She was good enough for herself, and you know, Danny was a sucker for crop tops and high waisted shorts. (Have you seen Paulina in the summertime? He basically lived for those kinds of things.)

The shadowy one finally appeared to Sam, and this time, it sat beside her, and placed a bag on her lap. They sat in silence for a few moments, but that confused the girl. She was waiting for violence. She was waiting for the sleep to catch up to her and to finally knock her out, but she felt way too weak, and the shadowy figure just drained her more.

“I cannot forgive you for what you have done to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered. “I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t make it any better.” He gestured to the bag with one shadowy hand. “Sam, you ruined my life. That’s not okay… but I do have a way for you to make it okay.” The figure didn’t wait for her to open the bag. He reached in a hand and pulled out a bottle of pills. “Barbiturates,” he told her.

“How did you get these?” Sam asked. “I thought these were hard to find. I… oh, no. I know what--”

The hand grabbed her and held her down. “Sam, you’re in no position to argue. You ruined my life, you ruined your mother’s, and now it’s your turn to try to make it better. This will make everything go back to normal. You’ll show us that you’re really sorry.”

“I--”

There were so many faces. Sam watched as Danny, her mother, her father, and her grandmother was staring back at her, yelling at the top of their lungs. She cried as she saw their faces grow red and angry, strained, ready to explode. They were so pissed at her, and she understood why. 

She grabbed the pills and swallowed them all dry, causing her to cough a bit. But that didn’t stop anything. She took at least half of the bottle. That was it. There was no going back. She looked at all the faces, but they all, except one, were gone. Danny’s face remained. “You’ll be completely dead, and I’ll forgive you when you’re gone.”

“I love--”

“Shut up,” the figure told her. “Get some sleep, Sammy. You look exhausted."


End file.
